I am going to steal something today

I have decided. I am going to steal something today.

Something small, of not much value, so that nobody suspects me, and no one notices.

Shall I steal the magazine lying in the seat pocket in front of me? Maybe the safety instruction sheet – that’s something no one would think about!

Maybe I shall pinch five rupees from the cabbie on the way home.

But I shall definitely steal something today.

And then something again tomorrow, and then the day after.

I have resolved that I shall start stealing something every day from now onwards.

If someone starts noticing and creating a scene, I shall share a part of my spoils with that person, or find another person to share my spoils with, who will silence the first one and protect me.

Starting with small things, I shall – over the next few years – grow towards stealing bigger and bigger things, till after about 10 years; when I can commit large daylight robberies without any fear.

Because by then, I would have enough people supporting me in what I am doing. Either they would legalise my robberies, or someone would file a PIL, which would render me immune from prosecution for the rest of my life.

Because isn’t that what happens in Mumbai?

At least, I have grown up seeing this.

People steal a little bit of the footpath at night; and nobody notices. Then they steal a little more during the day; and even the people who notice, do not pay attention. Then they steal a little bit of water from the underground pipes, a little bit of electricity from the overhead wires, and start paying people to protect and support them.

After some years, when they have brazenly stolen enough, rich bored ex-actresses come and support them, and ensure that their daylight robbery is condoned. Then our brilliant politicians join the gang, and start mooting legislations to legalise their robbery.

And by the time all this is over, the people who started this have lived their entire life immune from any prosecution. Not only that, many of them have even been rewarded handsomely for stealing in the above manner.

For those who want to see how it is done, go and see under the new Byculla to Lalbaug flyover, where you will see the beginnings of this process, and then see the SRA projects, which are the culmination and rewards.

So therefore, I am going to steal something today.